Banishing Regrets
by Obsidian Sam
Summary: This makes no sense. At all. But I can't back down. I can't give up. And, the most certain thing that there is: I can't mess this up. Not again... Sesshomaru and OC, Nessa. Don't like, don't read. Flamers welcome. COME AT ME, BRO.
1. C H A P T E R 1 : P R O L O G

**_Sammy says:_ Hello all! I'm alive! Barely, but it still counts. I was violently ill the past week, so I apologize for not having the next chapter up. I already sent it to my beta, IcarusWing, who has yet to get back to me. In the mean time, enjoy this. It's Sesshomaru and OC. It takes place both before and after Naraku is defeated.**

**This is the prologue. EAT IT. *^***

**_Disclaimer: _Shut up and let me tell my damn story… Shouldn't just the _word_ "Disclaimer" be enough? NO OWNIES! STOP MAKING ME SAD!**

It makes virtually no sense.

At all.

Kagome had said she had no idea what would happen to Sesshomaru after she left the warring states era of Japan. I'd questioned her profusely, demanding, lamenting, weeping, and eventually breaking down all together when she couldn't give me an answer.

But now, after she's left for the past and we've said our good-byes a final time, here he is. Just as beautiful as I remember from the time I got trapped on the other side of the well.

"How…" I can't even form a coherent sentence, my shock is so great. I can barely process the silver haired immortal before me.

His signature smirk is almost disappeared before my eyes. I can hardly believe—I mean, after all of this time…

"You still remembered me…?"

At that, his smirk is back with a passion. "You _did_ say something about a dog never forgetting its first master…"

I blush, remembering my heated discussion with Shippou, Miroku, Sango, and Kagome. It was about Inuyasha and his unwillingness to let Kikyo go, even after the undead wench had finally—_finally _died and given back Kagome the piece of her soul that had been taken away from her way back in the beginning. Apparently, Rin had overheard the conversation, asking later if it meant I was Sesshomaru's fist master because he always somehow, ended up returning to me.

I nod, burying my heated face in my hands. "I'm sorry about that… Children," I whisper a smile lighting my face slightly, though he can't see it. "In all their innocent cruelty…"

"So it's no longer a sin?" He asks, sitting at the side of my bed.

"Innocence is still a sin." I tell him, looking up at the demon through veiled lashes. "That will never change."

"But times have changed so, spitfire." He motions to everything surrounding us.

I can't help but smile. Mioga called me that—excessively. My flare for dancing with a blade had most certainly earned me the title. I was the first human ever to hold my own against Sesshomaru.

Well, at least when he wasn't attacking with magic…

"I miss it," I say, laying on my back. I'm not afraid of him taking advantage of me. Not anymore. "Being in the past, I mean."

"As do I…" He leans back next to me, pulling me closer.

This shocks me. I remember a Sesshomaru who couldn't stand physical contact. He'd been made profusely angered the one time I had tried to touch him.

The one time I succeeded, at any rate.

I pillow my head on his shoulder, surprised to find him dressed in modern clothing. He offers no explanation, as is often the case with him, and silently stares at the ceiling.

"If…" I muse aloud, unsure at first, but slowly gaining confidence. "If it were possible for me to back to back then… to talk to you, and be with you for a little while…"

I note the way his body stiffens next to mine, and begin attempting to talk myself out of this potentially bad situation. "It's just a thought, I—"

He speaks so quietly I almost don't hear him. "I could do that… for a couple of hours… It'd shatter like a dream afterward, though…"

I sit up, looking down at him. The view, it's like tunnel vision created by my mid-back length hair. "Do it." I demand. "I have something I need to tell you back then."

He pushes himself up, one hand tangling in the flat-ironed red tresses that are so rare for this part of the world. Binging them to his lips he haltingly makes eye contact, liquid gold connecting with vibrant green.

And this he grants me.

It's like falling with out the air around you changing. And suddenly.

I stop.

I'm in a forest—_that_ forest.

Gathering my bearings, I all-but hit the ground running.

I can _not_ afford to mess this up.

Not again…

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	2. C H A P T E R  2 : F I X I N G   I T

**_Sammy says: _Hey, I realize that I'm spoiling you updating so fast. Well, don't get bratty. I am not your personal writer bitch, but I still feel obligated to provide you all with new story every-so-often. This, I've decided, will be a three shot. With a lemon scene if I can stomach it.**

**Yes, I know. If you know me in person, you'll be thinking, "Too proud and too prude." Well…**

**_I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED!_**

**Also, I fucked the general plot and time line of Inuyasha in the ass for this story. I have no idea if it's in order or what. If this is a problem for you, then, by all means. Let me have it. I'm not guaranteeing any errors brought to my attention necessarily be fixed in the story, but whatever helps you sleep at night.**

**Also: this story is not beta-ed. That is why it isn't perfectly perfect like my BOSS beta, IcarusWing, usually makes it.**

**In other words, it's raw. Straight from my head to your eyes! Feel privileged! For— **

**I'll shut up now.**

**_Disclaimer: _You have the word. That should be plenty.**

I can see his silver hair and white kimono ahead of me. I have no idea what year it is, or even where I am.

But I am absolutely sure of one thing:

I cannot, will not, _will not_ screw up and leave here with out _making_ that stubborn son of a bitch understand.

I will succeed. I refuse to be beaten.

"Sesshomaru!" I yell, cupping my hands around my face.

He pauses mid-step, looking wildly around. Rin and Jaken aren't with him.

_Good job, future Sesshy!_ I mentally cheer, running to catch up with him.

He's still missing an arm, so it can't be long after I left.

"You…" Just as I was shocked beyond words to see him, it seems he is also shocked to see me.

"I know, and believe me." I gasp, leaning against a tree. "It took finding future you to get here."

Suddenly in my personal space and seething with rage, Sesshomaru hisses, "You _left!_"

Yes…

Well, I said I screwed up, didn't I?

"I had to." I force myself not to tremble at his rage, not to be weak.

I can't afford that, either.

"_You _had _to?" _His liquid gold eyes flash burning amber, and his venomous, clawed hand is at my throat. He doesn't squeeze. Doesn't puncture my skin and poison me.

"I have family overseas." I rarely talk about my personal home life. It's not… normal. A father who constantly pushes swords, and a mother who pushes dance. Ballet and bayonets.

Because it's _so_ fucking normal for a fourteen year old to know how to kill a man with a knife a thousand different ways, _and_ for her to be able to do ballet and lyrical dance immaculately, to boot.

Well, it put me on semi-level footing with this man, now didn't it?

He says nothing, a frown etched on gracefully his beautiful features. He waits for me to continue.

"My real parents—not my host ones. Not," I smile bitterly, looking anywhere but at him. "That they particularly care. I'm not a sword, or the perfect dancer. Nothing to warrant their attention."

"Hn…" Sesshomaru's eyes narrow, and I can tell that he is not impressed.

"I only have a few hours," I will him to believe me, unable to imagine what I'll do if he doesn't. "I'd really like you to listen to what I have to say."

He lowers his hand and backs up, bangs shadowing his eyes, expression becoming, once again, unreadable.

"The first thing is an apology: I shouldn't have left like that. Nor should I have carelessly taken our friendship for granted." Keeping my eyes locked on him, I slide down, sitting at the base of the tree. "I have so many things to apologize for…"

Laughing weakly, I move on to the next. "I should have been more honest with you. I won't apologize for that. I only told you what I told everyone else. That I didn't want anything more than friendship, that I was content being lonely."

I strip a twig of its bark, throwing it aside a moment later, deeming it a useless distraction. "Hell, I thought it was the truth at the time, myself."

It must be a trick of the light, because I swear that Sesshomaru is _shaking_.

"And lastly: I love you." A mirthless, bitter chuckle forces itself out of my throat. "It took me goddamn long enough to realize and accept it, but I do."

"Don't," The dog demon spits, "Think to collar me with those words."

My first honest smile in four years, "Of course. You take away the beauty of a wild thing when you cage it."

"Oh?" Those beautiful, unreadable eyes bore into mine, begging for something I probably can't justly give. "Then what is it—those words… how did you describe it?"

His sarcastic pause is matched with an equally sarcastic smirk. "'A painful bond of glass, becoming all the more agonizing when shattered'?"

I wince, nodding. "Now, I'm thinking it's not so much love that hurts us, it's us that hurts love."

He steps closer, deliberately playing predator to a prey I refuse to be. I stare defiantly up at him from the ground, and he kneels down to my level.

If my admission changed anything, he doesn't show it.

"I'm not asking," I tell him, forcing myself to wear my heart on my sleeve. His tracking gaze drinks hungrily it in, making his expression a fragment more readable. "For you to accept me—this." I correct, thinking better of myself and modifying the statement. "My confession."

I can wish for it, but it does not mean it will be so. I've also learned this in my four years trapped in the future.

The hard way.

"Lets say I do," He is not longer a hunter, just an angry observer with a pained glare. "What do I get out of it? What could you possibly—"

Feeling bold, I move forward, resting my weight on my knees and effectively cutting him off. Damp moss and dirt stain the jeans that cover them, but I could careless. I drape my arms hesitantly over his shoulders, noting how his eyes widen that the proximity.

Haltingly I bring my lips to match his.

It seems like the entire world melts way when his hand finds my waist, then the small of my back, pulling me closer, into an apprehensive embrace.

His armor digs into to my stomach and shoulders, but I hardly feel it. I'm oblivious to anything out side this.

Gently, and timidly, I tilt my head, pulling his lower lip between mine, coaxing his mouth open with a hesitant brush of my tongue across his teeth. Breath hitched, and hand fisted in my shirt, he allows me the access I crave.

The sweet taste of his fangs almost obliterates whatever muscles keep me up right, and intelligent thought doesn't stand a chance when he kisses me back. Those sharp k-nines are carefully kept from puncturing a lip or cutting a tongue, as the inu-yokai feverishly learns the inside of my mouth. He's almost ruthless in his pursuit of my attention, my touch.

Almost.

Sesshomaru seems to remember, just before he grows impatient, that I am a human mortal. And, consequently, not nearly as strong as him.

I'm forced to pull back for air, and upon the break in contact, he attacks my neck with nips and kisses, resting his head on my collar bone when he's had his fill.

"'Innocence is a sin…'" He reminds me, those golden eyes aflame with… longing? Lust? His single hand, once gripping my shirt, now circles my wrist, easily pulling me to my feet. "I'm not giving you a choice."

I breathlessly nod, because, as cruel as it may seem, the last time I was made to choose, I chose _wrong_.

I _chose_ to leave and go back to my home-away-form-home in Japan—to call parents overseas who didn't pick up anyway. I _chose_ to leave behind a man who was just learning to trust humanity, just learning that we are not merely there for his amusement.

I _left _that man_._

Now, as he leads me away, to god-knows-where, not giving the chance to make another decision that would hurt him, a decision to leave him, I am unafraid. I will be his just as he will be mine.

Nothing will be lost to this.

I'll be his first, and, if legend holds true, his last.

And he knows that he's my first.

The first one I'll allow to get this close. The only man I'll ever let near enough, even with all of my experience with nearness and closeness leaving scars when ripped away.

I do not regret this.

If anything, I regret not having done this sooner. Putting it off only made it a regret I have to return to dispel.

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